I have a girlfriend now.  It’s cool but it’s weird because I’m probably gay based on the way I act and behave and walk and move my legs in general.  I think I was supposed to be gay.  I think like up in heaven they built 3/4 of a gay person and they forgot to flip the final switch and they just sent me out and they were like “You marked that one gay right?”  and he was like “No no was I supposed to?” and they were like “Well this will be a very silly person.”  This is gonna be a very interesting person indeed.  I was definitely gay when I was a little boy…they have hard opinions on things…I was like an old queen, I would just walk out to recess and I’d be like “Everybody get out of my way I just want to feed my birds.”

-John Mulaney, (Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, 1/13/12)